Letter to my adopted son

My son, I see your need for love, affection and security

My son, I know that when you interrupt and talk over everyone, you are seeking my confirmation that you are still the centre of my attention

My son, I know that when you interrupt your brother’s conversation with me, or try to block him out, you are trying to make sure I love you and give you more attention more than him

My son, I know that when you try to get your brother in trouble, you are trying to make me aware that his behaviour is worse than your own, hoping that I will love you more and if I fall out of love, it would be with him

My son, I know that when you try to make my friends and family disappear by your difficult behaviour and your harsh comments around them, you are trying to assert your position in my life as being my number one

My son, I know that when you talk/babble incessantly, you are purposely avoiding any silence or gaps in conversation because my attention is all you want

My son, I know that when you misbehave and do silly things, you are wanting my attention, because any attention is better than none

My son, I know that when you tell me only good things that are happening and pretending everything is fine when it is not, you are assuming my love is dependant only on positive behaviour and a son with no issues

My son, I know that you hold your secrets close to your chest because you fear that sharing them with me would make me love you less

My son, I know that following me around constantly and never playing alone or in another room is because you want to make sure I am not going anywhere without you

 

My son, this may sound like every other child worldwide, however I know you have already experienced a lack of love, affection or security at such a young age which has set in motion your understanding of the world and your understanding that love, affection or security can disappear in an instance

 

My son, I love you, and nothing can ever stop that, but I know just saying this to you is not enough

I know that one slight slip could damage your self esteem, your ability to love, your future relationships and your understanding and view of the world, which may never be rectified if we get this wrong.

 

My son, this pressure is intense and extremely tiring however no matter how hard it is for me, I know that the stress and anxiety you experience, worrying about this, is more than I will ever experience myself

 

My son, although this is a huge burden to bear, I chose this burden when I chose to bring you into my life and this is the task which I relish most in life and will never let you down!

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