We knew that it would a day that arrives every year and we knew it was going to happen but we had honestly forgotten it was coming so soon. We were catching up with friends at a local restaurant and our eldest pointed out the “Happy Mother’s Day” sign on the table asking when it would be. Straight away, we looked at each other and knew that any conversation we have now could go one way or the other. There is absolutely no reason to deny to him that the day existed, nor was there any reason for us to skirt around the subject. He has a mother and she will always be his mother. We thought we would head the discussion off at the pass…
We simply answered “Yes, Mother’s Day is coming up soon, would you like to make a card for your birth mother and we can post it next time we send her a letter?”. Without hesitation he said “yes”. We assured him the decision was all his to make and if he chose not to, he would not need to
That was the first small hurdle, the second perceived hurdle came from the school but thankfully, our boys attend an absolutely amazing school (The head teacher this week screamed, jumped up and down and cried when we told her the Decision Hearing has gone through without contest – that’s how much they care about our boys!). We were contacted from both our boy’s teachers directly who asked us how we wanted to manage Mother’s Day! How amazing are they!?
We decided to give our eldest (6) the choice on whether he engaged in making a card for Mother’s Day and the school agreed that they would be supportive of this. I am sure we are not the only “non-traditional” family in the school so this would not have been revolutionary by any means. We discussed with him that Mother’s Day could be a day to make a card for his Birth Mother or one or all of his four Grandmothers. He decided he would make a card at home for his Birth Mother and make a card for his Daddy’s at school and celebrate “Parent’s Day”. All his decision and we would support no matter what he wanted to do
Our 4 year old has a different perspective on life at the moment for obvious reasons, he is only just comprehending what has been happening. Discussing Mother’s Day with him was more difficult as there was limited comprehension, but we made sure our discussions with our eldest were always held around our youngest so he could engage if he chose to. He never did
However, coming home from work yesterday, I picked up the mail and noticed a card with children’s handwriting – opening it up, out came an absolutely AMAZING card (this comes from a boy who usually has no interest in drawing or writing) with “Happy Parent’s Day” scrawled across the middle in his newly learnt scrawl. Our school had posted his letter to us and he had been part of the whole process. He was beaming! We won’t lie… we both cried a little
We do know that Mother’s Day will happen every year and as the boys get older and become more aware of the day and how they differ from most of their friends, it may not always go so smoothly. However as of today, we plan to have a nice, calm, relaxing Sunday doing what we usually do – but never denying to our boys that the day is happening. As our friendship networks expand to include more same sex parents from using groups such as New Family Social, I am sure the boy’s will be able to share their Mother’s Day experiences with friends in similar situations and we may even pick up some new ways to celebrate the day!
Now we just have to work out what happens on Father’s Day…. I don’t like sharing!!